Reflections on my Birthday Celebrations
Reflections on my Birthday
Two years down the line, since I wrote down something about my birthday. The last time I wrote something down, I recalled how my life moved from the gutter to the sewer. A lot of twists and turn and a lot of lessons derived from the experiences. These past two years, and the preceding years, I chose not to celebrate it, keep it private until I found myself. The say, if you don't fix what cut you, you will bleed on those who did not cut you. I think I have done a lot of bleeding, now is a time of healing and brushing up to move ahead and let things be.
When we were little, they taught us in Catechism, 'Salvation is God's free gift!' I'm sorry to say, to some extent, I don't totally believe in this because we have to work for it by good works of faith and charity. Life is generally rough towards men, its the rule of the jungle, 'The hero gets the woman'. That explains why men have to fight. As a man, Just know that there is no help or liberation coming from somewhere. Work Hard and work Smart. Stand for yourself. Don't shift your responsibility to God. DO NOT ACCEPT FREE GIFTS especially from women. I'm sorry to say, when they taunt you, even the tiniest bit of what you received will be used as a weapon against you and you will not have any word to say. The embarrassment will be great, no matter how sincere the act may be. I am a living witness.. As a man, help yourself, be for yourself, the world does not celebrate weaklings of men. Get your own things. Some of these people may put you in pressure, no pressure work quietly, silently, let your success make all the noise. I have seen cases where one partner got an upper hand and an advantage while the other was suffering. Even after suffering together, the first thing the woman replaced was the man. As a man, my free advice: when you are moving to your girlfriend's house, have your own place in case of the rainy days... You have nobody but you to save yourself from all harm.
Two years down the line, since I wrote down something about my birthday. The last time I wrote something down, I recalled how my life moved from the gutter to the sewer. A lot of twists and turn and a lot of lessons derived from the experiences. These past two years, and the preceding years, I chose not to celebrate it, keep it private until I found myself. The say, if you don't fix what cut you, you will bleed on those who did not cut you. I think I have done a lot of bleeding, now is a time of healing and brushing up to move ahead and let things be.
writing this, a lot of things are on my mind. Good and Bad. Constructive and destructive. The mistakes done, the choices that destroyed me and the decisions that shaped me and made me into who I am. All of them boggle my mind and at times give me sleepless nights, intriguing thoughts, memories of pleasurable moments, a time of make and break. All is mixed. As I turn a year older in this new month, I wish to reflect on some of the valuable lessons I have learnt through my few years experience...
1. IF YOU DON'T SPEND TIME BUILDING YOUR DREAMS, OTHERS WILL USE YOU AS THE LADDER TO THEIR OWN DREAMS AND YOU WILL REMAIN STATIC.
Some ancient teachers agree or attest to the fact the
the human being is made up of three components or levels of feelings; appetites, heart and reason. The lowest and the most destructive according to them is the appetites. Once you are at this level, it becomes difficult to transcend and go to a higher level. I tend to agree however, with such. following my appetites, the need to please others and make them happy, I laid down my dreams, I participated in those of others and I spent time, building theirs and when they achieved their goals, they moved on and I remained at the periphery, used and broken. In such lessons, I observed that some people do not have the word 'hesitation' in their dictionary. They can use whatever they have in order to get wat they want while others are hesitating and calculating.
the human being is made up of three components or levels of feelings; appetites, heart and reason. The lowest and the most destructive according to them is the appetites. Once you are at this level, it becomes difficult to transcend and go to a higher level. I tend to agree however, with such. following my appetites, the need to please others and make them happy, I laid down my dreams, I participated in those of others and I spent time, building theirs and when they achieved their goals, they moved on and I remained at the periphery, used and broken. In such lessons, I observed that some people do not have the word 'hesitation' in their dictionary. They can use whatever they have in order to get wat they want while others are hesitating and calculating.
No one is to blame, sometimes the things we think are virtues are not virtues at all but foolishness and foolishness does not pay. It burdens the owner of the brain who refuses to leave it and clings to things he knows the result will be disastrous yet chooses to ignore the things surrounding him, at times in the name of God. Take time, build your dreams, wise up and know what needs to be done.
2. SOME FRENDSHIPS ARE UTILITARIAN AND NOT BORNE OUT OF PURITY. BE ABLE TO NOTICE IT AND DON'T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS.
I remember some 8-10 years ago, with a friend Jojo Sackey from Ghana we had a discussion on this topic. He asked me a question, Righteous, Why do people cry so much at funerals? I gave quite a lot of answers: some cry out of regret; that they did not do for the deceased what he may have needed or asked and the needful while he was alive (it could be spending time, generosity, love etc). Some, I added, cry because the benefit they were gaining from the person is no more there. While others, cry because they are missing the person and the person meant much to them. This reflects so much about friends and relationships. most friendships that we have today are borne out of utility; how useful are you to me?, What can I gain from you?. And once that thing is not there again, they can leave you because there is nothing you can offer. Some of us have been termed 'deadbeats' and words like 'useless like donkey manure' been used. I have seen people being used like tissue or door mats.
The funny thing is that, to those who ma have undergone such, the red flags are written all over but they choose to ignore them; whether out of love or not, I don't know. Some behave like ostriches. A looming danger is coming, they dig a hole in the ground and they hide their heads, so long they don't watch it coming, there is no danger, but whether you are watching or not, reality will always come haunting. Never ignore red flags in the name of 'God Forbid!' Na die dey!
3. AS A MAN, DON'T STAY WHERE YOU ARE NOT NEEDED NOR WELCOME. ITS NOT EVERY CUP THAT PASSES YOU BY IN TIMES OF TRAGEDY THAT YOU HAVE TO DRINK FROM, LEST YOU BE POISONED AND FAILE TO TRACE IT.
This is a simple truth that most of us refuse to adhere to. Be Ok with not being invited, be OK with not being chosen, be OK with knowing your place in peoples lives. You may your lungs out or head out for people who need you not. Once you do that and finish yourself, when those who truly care about you come, what else will be remaining for you? But this does not mean that you have to let go of your self worth, your worth is not up to any debate, know it value it. sometimes you may not be the problem, it could be the people you are dealing with. Its not everything that someone has to know about you as a man, some things are private keep them to yourself. Even in your relationships because once you make yourself naked, some people will use that and tear you apart. Betrayal is real, don't, out of desperation, drink from any cup that passes you by, some cups contain the poison of the enemy. Don't be a victim of desperation.
Don't force yourself in places you are not welcome, conversations that you are locked from. Focus on your life, Be you! Nobody can play a better part of being you than you. Three years ago, I was in the dungeon, in the Sewer, those I presumed were with me, were singing "Dorime" while I suffered to the extent that I heard the words..."So what, I don't care and whatever that happens to him, let it be..." Hearing those words, I died. This brings me to the fourth lesson of life.
4. AS A MAN, THERE IS NO LIBERATION OR HELP COMING FROM ANYWHERE, LIBERATE YOURSELF AND REBUILD YOUR LIFE.
When we were little, they taught us in Catechism, 'Salvation is God's free gift!' I'm sorry to say, to some extent, I don't totally believe in this because we have to work for it by good works of faith and charity. Life is generally rough towards men, its the rule of the jungle, 'The hero gets the woman'. That explains why men have to fight. As a man, Just know that there is no help or liberation coming from somewhere. Work Hard and work Smart. Stand for yourself. Don't shift your responsibility to God. DO NOT ACCEPT FREE GIFTS especially from women. I'm sorry to say, when they taunt you, even the tiniest bit of what you received will be used as a weapon against you and you will not have any word to say. The embarrassment will be great, no matter how sincere the act may be. I am a living witness.. As a man, help yourself, be for yourself, the world does not celebrate weaklings of men. Get your own things. Some of these people may put you in pressure, no pressure work quietly, silently, let your success make all the noise. I have seen cases where one partner got an upper hand and an advantage while the other was suffering. Even after suffering together, the first thing the woman replaced was the man. As a man, my free advice: when you are moving to your girlfriend's house, have your own place in case of the rainy days... You have nobody but you to save yourself from all harm.
5. THE WORLD FAVOURS THE VICIOUS AND PUNISHES VIRTUE. LIARS GET AWAY WITH IT AND THE INNOCENT ARE OFTEN PUNISHED.
Religion teaches us that the wicked person will not get away with it. We do not understand the dealings and operations of God but we can see the corruption in the system. One of my favorite songs by the German Band Enigma "Sadeness" the singer askes the question, "Sade tell me, what do you seek? The Rightness of Wrong..?" This reflects the society we live in. Nobody cares to know the truth. There are three sides to the truth; their Side and the Side of Truth itself. You may lie to any other person, but you can never lie to yourself, truth stands as an accuser within you. People can lie, keep a straight face and are believed. Truth is foreign to some individuals. People can cheat. Learn to see through people's sought and go beyond the reality of physical appearances.. Look inside people's souls.
I have seen the virtuous punished, I have seen the less guilty receiving unproportionate sentences and the guilty being praised and covered by the systems. When bad things come and people judge you, let the light within you be the flint that will keep burning and leading you. Do not lose heart. You may lose it all, remember, I lost everything that made meaning to me, but I survived and am rebuilding. You too can do better than me. You can be replaced, you're never not indispensable. Even in your family, you can be replaced.
Live humbly, love, heal, build, grow, glow, God, Goals, No Competition, sincerity, extend a helping hand, accept the changing patterns of life, focus and above all, Be Happy....
Birthday wishes to myself
Mutsawashe
Ifechukwu
13/03/2026
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